Episode 10

Going it Alone vs Seeking Savior

In this episode we're exploring the differences between going it alone,  getting the support and guidance you need, and what I call “seeking savior”.

If you’re anything like me and the women who come to me for help, you’ve likely tried to figure things out on your own when it comes to your health and fitness.

You’ve probably tried different diet fads or trends, workout programs, supplements, etc. with varying degrees of success, but because nothing was ever tailored to you and your life, they didn’t help long-term.

A large majority of people who come to me have tried to figure out nutrition and fitness on their own, only to end up overwhelmed, confused, and burnt out by all the information out there.

Today I’m sharing how to get the support and guidance you need without sacrificing your autonomy. We’ll talk about the importance of self-trust, how to build it, what to do when challenges arise, and what to look for when seeking out professional support.

Interested in working with Jeannie? Schedule a 30-minute Coffee Talk here.

Connect with me on Instagram @joliverwellness and check out the options for my more affordable self-study programs here: https://www.joliverwellness.com/diy-programs

Music credit: Funk’d Up by Reaktor Productions

A Podcast Launch Bestie production

Transcript
Speaker:

Hello lovelies and welcome to

the nutrition edit podcast.

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I'm your host, Jeannie Oliver,

functional nutrition and wellness coach.

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And today we're going to be exploring

the differences between going it alone,

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getting the support and guidance you

need and what I call seeking savior.

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If you're anything like me and the women

who come to me, you've likely tried

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to figure things out on your own when

it comes to your health and fitness.

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Yeah.

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Maybe you've tried different

diet fads or trends, workout

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programs, supplements, etc.

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With varying degrees of success, but

because nothing was ever tailored to

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you and your specific and individual

lifestyle, they didn't help longterm.

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And a larger majority of people who

come to me have tried going it alone

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when it comes to health and fitness.

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And what happens is they end up

overwhelmed, confused, and burnt out

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by all the information out there.

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And they don't know what to believe.

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Unfortunately, figuring it on their

own with whatever free resources are

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out there is the only option for some

people, but I find that for those

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of you who have the resources to

get help can sometimes fall into the

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trap of what I call seeking savior.

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Now I stole this term from a business

coach named Brooke Monahan who used it

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in the context of entrepreneurship, but

let me explain what this is all about.

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Over my decade in practice, I've had

quite a few people come to me and say,

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just tell me what to do to get X result,

whatever they're trying to achieve.

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And I understand where

they're coming from with this.

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It's very logical, especially if you

don't know what to do or where to start.

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People often want an expert to give

them a roadmap or instructions for

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how to get from point A to point B.

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And that can work really well in

business scenarios or research,

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but it's never that simple when it

comes to your health and your body.

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So here's a little tip for you.

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If anybody ever tells you that their,

you know, formula or diet for a

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specific health outcome works for

everybody running for the hills.

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I mean, sure.

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Most people can lose weight.

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Like scale weight, not necessarily fat

by doing calorie restricted diets, but

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they certainly don't work for everyone.

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And as I always talk about weight loss

from calorie restricted diets does not

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usually equate to fat loss completely.

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There is often also a loss of muscle mass,

which will work against you metabolically.

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So my point here being that when

I talk about something working,

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I'm talking about something that

works longterm and is actually

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sustainable for you as an individual.

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And in that case, there's really

never a one size fits all formula.

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So when somebody wants me

to tell them, What to do.

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I have to explain to them that while I

may have foundational principles that I do

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follow with everyone, learning what will

work for them as an individual takes time,

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curiosity, experimentation, and patience.

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Probably the biggest one is patience here.

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Just do it.

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Telling you what to do may be helpful

at first in that snapshot of time when

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you first get started, but it might not

be super helpful once things change or

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shift or challenges arise in your life.

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It's also problematic because only

you live in your body, in your life,

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with your unique circumstances.

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And when you're working with a

professional, it should always be

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a partnership, not a dictatorship

where you have no agency.

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Okay?

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Now, Transcribed I'll be clear, there

is definitely a time and a place for

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very prescriptive programs, such as

therapeutic diets, where people will

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need to follow a very specific regimen

for designated period of time, but that

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is not what I'm talking about here.

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So in the context I'm talking

about, really what we need to

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examine is this mindset behind the,

just tell me what to do approach.

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This person is usually, not

always, but usually looking for

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someone to fix their problem.

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They are seeking Savior, so to speak,

and then hoping that I or someone else

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will come along with all the answers

to fix their problems so that they

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can get the results that they want.

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Now, before I go much further, I do

want to make it clear that seeking

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Savior is very different from

seeking out support and guidance.

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Seeking guidance and support from

others is totally natural and Often very

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beneficial and whether it's seeking advice

from mentors, consulting with your friends

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or family or loved ones or turning to

professionals, these interactions are

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an important part of life and they can

give you fresh perspectives, they can

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provide valuable insights and offer, you

know, emotional support and re insurance.

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The difference between that and seeking

savior is that in seeking savior, you're

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essentially outsourcing your power to

someone else instead of choosing someone

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who can help guide you in discovering

how to best take care of your own body.

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Don't ever let go.

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outsource your power.

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This is especially important

when it comes to your health.

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You know, we, especially women, but

everybody, especially women have been

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conditioned for generations to look to

experts for answers instead of learning

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to follow our instinct, our instincts,

excuse me, um, and our intuition.

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You know, we, we call it

gut instincts for a reason.

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Like we have more nerves in and around

our gut than we do in our spinal cord.

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So having a gut feeling or a gut

instinct is something that we should

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pay attention to, but we've been

sort of deconditioned away from that.

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You know, we've been conditioned to not

question authority, especially doctors.

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And while it can be intimidating

to question your doctor or other

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practitioner, your life could

literally depend on it and getting

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support and guidance from experts.

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is definitely important.

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But at the end of the day, you should

always be the one that's calling

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the shots and making decisions

based on what is right for you.

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Nobody else can do the work for you when

it comes to taking care of your body.

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No one else can know how certain foods

make you feel or what types of exercises

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give you joy or what self care practices

are most helpful or effective for you.

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So when you're navigating this,

it's really good to know that a good

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coach or health practitioner will

help you get in touch with your body

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and tap into your intuition so that

you can actually build self trust

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and learn how to make adjustments

that work for you as needed, right?

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And as things change or

challenges arise, right?

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If you find yourself constantly seeking

approval or feeling lost with that

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outside input, maybe you feel incapable

of making decisions independently, right?

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Then it's really time to Resolved

to take back your power and get

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back in touch with that intuition.

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And look, you know, it might benefit

me financially to have clients who are

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totally dependent on me and just stay in

a constant, cycle of, seeing me over and

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over and over, but that is not how I work.

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My goal is always to educate and empower

you to care for your body in a way that

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serves you well, regardless of what life

throws at you, because we all know like.

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Shit's going to hit the fan at some point

or things are going to get chaotic or

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stressful and things will change and Often

these things all like to happen at once

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right and clusters so that flexibility

or knowing how to adjust when you need

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to is really really crucial to being

successful long term and I someone like

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me is here to help you cultivate a way

of eating and exercising that works for

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you and To help you learn how to make

adjustments or shifts according to your

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current needs goals or situations, okay?

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Now that said I do have many repeat

clients But they usually come back to me

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for support when they have like a major

change in their lives or circumstances

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, maybe they have an athletic event that

they're training for, or they may just

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want accountability and encouragement

to reprioritize their self care if

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they feel like they've let go of that.

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you know, if you're a client of mine, I

will always be here for you, but I don't

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want you to become so dependent on me that

you can't do these things on your own.

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Okay.

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In a general sense, too, depending too

much on others for validation or decision

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making can actually erode your self trust.

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And I really believe that self trust

is one of the most important things to

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cultivate when you're trying to change

your lifestyle or improve your nutrition,

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your fitness, or just your overall health.

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So let's talk a little bit about

what self trust actually is.

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Self trust is your belief

in your own abilities, your

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judgment, and your intuition.

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When you learn to trust yourself, you're

going to be more confident in all of

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your decision making and your actions.

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But, building self trust definitely takes

time, because like I said, most of us

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have been deconditioned away from that,

You're not going to learn self trust

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and intuition about your body overnight.

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You're just not, especially if

you've been cut off from that

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part of yourself for a long time.

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I have seen clients where they literally

don't even know what they're doing.

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if they're hungry or not.

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They've been so detached

from their body's signals.

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They don't know when they're full.

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it's, pretty common.

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It's a really common thing to encounter.

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and you know, I think many of us have

been detached from our bodies and

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our intuition for much of our lives.

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So you've just got to be patient

when you're re establishing

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that mind body connection.

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and also, you know, when we talk

about self trust, it's important

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to talk about it in the context of.

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Making choices that serve you well.

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I'll give you a little example from

my personal life So I know that when

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I was binge eating back in my 20s I

could absolutely not trust myself around

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certain foods and I was terrified of

having Those tempting foods in my house

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because I knew that I couldn't trust

myself not to eat the entire package of

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whatever it was At one point that was

like an entire package of double stuffed

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Oreos Dear God, like I shudder now to

think that I ate that entire thing.

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it was terrible.

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I would be absolutely ill afterwards,

but that's if they were in front

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of me, that's what would happen.

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and , truth be told, there are still

things that I don't keep at home because

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I simply don't want the temptation

staring me in the face all the time.

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I don't binge eat anymore.

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And I don't, even find those certain

like junky foods that I used to go to.

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I don't find them even appealing

anymore because I've changed my diet

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so drastically that I no longer crave

those things, but there are, healthier.

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Indulgent foods that I just really

minimize and minimize my exposure

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to them because I just don't want

I don't want to waste my mental

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and emotional energy on that.

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So I just don't buy them.

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And the big difference between

now and my binge eating days is

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that even if I do go overboard.

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With something I don't get into that shame

spiral afterwards where I'm beating myself

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up and I can actually trust myself to

get right back on track at the next meal.

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Whereas before, you know, I'd

beat myself up like crazy.

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Um, total failure, everything's out the

window and it would be this awful downward

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spiral for days, sometimes weeks where

the wheels would just come off the bus.

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So when you're talking about building

self trust, it really starts with

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self awareness Self reflection

and understanding your personal

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values, strengths, and weaknesses.

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So as you make different choices, you

will start to build that self trust.

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And in order to do that, though,

to change, you know, change those

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choices or practice making choices

that serve you well, you have to be

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kind of self aware, like you have

to know, okay, um, if this is in the

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house, it's going to be problematic.

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Okay.

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For me, and you may have to get your

family on board with not purchasing

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certain things, or if they do, you

know, putting them out of sight so

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that it's not a temptation for you.

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self reflection, really just looking

back at like, okay, if I made a choice

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that I'm not happy about that did

not serve me, that made me feel like

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crap, either emotionally, physically,

or both, what was that about?

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What was going on with me?

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You know, emotionally, maybe I

was under a lot of stress and I

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was super stressed out, or maybe I

was really fatigued or dehydrated.

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Um, it's important to kind of, you know,

Reflect and figure out what those are.

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those contributing factors were, right?

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and then as far as understanding

your values, strengths, and

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weaknesses, I think that this is

really about knowing your why.

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Like, why do you want to make changes?

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Why is it important to you?

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, if you say, well, I want to lose weight.

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Well, why, why do you want to lose weight?

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What does that mean in your life?

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Does that mean that you'd

have less joint pain?

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You'd be more mobile, more agile.

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Um, maybe you'd have more energy.

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Like what are the reasons

behind your actual goals.

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Get really clear on that so that you know

why you want to make the change, right?

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Because those big deep and meaningful

whys, as I call them, are going to

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be what help carry you through in the

times when you have zero motivation.

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All right?

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Um, I think it's also really crucial to

practice self compassion and to remember

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that you're only one choice or one meal.

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Or one workout away from being right

back on track at any given time, just

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one choice away at any given time.

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So even if you do eat the

entire package of Oreos, which

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I hope you don't, no big deal.

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You just make a totally different

choice for yourself at the next meal.

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Your whole day isn't ruined.

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Your whole week isn't ruined.

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It's just one choice.

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And by giving yourself that compassion

and that grace and saying, it's okay.

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I'm just going to start over right now.

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The more you practice that, the more

self trust that you'll build that way.

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Okay?

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Each time that you take that opportunity

to make a choice that serves you well,

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it's going to create more self trust,

more resilience, which will help you

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bounce back from the setbacks And

reinforce your belief in yourself because

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you're going to have the setbacks.

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They will happen.

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You have to just know that they are

coming down the pike and at some

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point they're going to happen and

they're going to be challenging and

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frustrating, but they will come.

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So just know, no big deal.

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It's going to happen.

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I'm going to build resilience and I'm

just going to bounce back afterwards.

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No big deal.

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relationships are another thing that

I believe play an important role here.

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Setting healthy boundaries and maintaining

your autonomy within your relationships.

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Transcripts really can help

you to seek guidance while

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also preserving your agency.

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All right.

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so this is when I encourage you to, you

know, make, if you're going to go see a

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doctor or practitioner or maybe interview

someone to support you or guide you, make

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a list of questions before you go in.

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Know what you're looking

for in that person.

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What do you want to get

out of your time with them?

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What do you want to get out of the

work that you may do with them?

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How do you want to feel

moving through the process?

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Thank you.

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These are all really important things.

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And then have a list of non negotiables.

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You know, what are you willing to do?

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What are you not willing to do?

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I personally love it when a client comes

to me and is like, Hey, here's the thing.

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These are my goals, but I am

absolutely not willing to give up.

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You know, A, B, or C, whatever that

thing is, maybe it's their craft

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cocktail on the weekends or a beautiful

glass of wine, or maybe it's their

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dark chocolate, whatever that is.

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If I know how they feel

about that, okay, great.

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I can support them in and around

that, we can create strategies in

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and around that, and we can actually

tailor the work to fit their needs.

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and often I find that through that

process, they will self, , correct

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when it comes to certain things.

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They'll kind of go, hey, you

know, I'm doing all these things.

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I'm feeling really good, but.

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But that cocktail I find is

really actually not doing me any

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favors, it's not working for me.

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And this isn't always the

case, it just depends on the

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individual, it can vary greatly.

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But they will often go, yeah, I

actually don't need that anymore, I

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thought I could never give that up.

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I mean, I was that way, I was so that way.

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I remember saying, I will absolutely never

give up having half and half in my coffee.

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I have to have it.

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I tried all these like non

dairy substitutes and I was

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like, they're all nasty.

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I'm just not going to do it.

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I'm not going to give it up, but as I

kind of grew and learned and got more in

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touch with my body, I realized that Dairy

was a serious, serious problem for me.

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And I was in my late thirties and

still struggling with adult acne.

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And so I thought, you know what,

I'm just going to give it a shot.

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I'm going to try not

having any dairy at all.

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I cut it out.

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I've mentioned this on previous episodes.

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My face, my skin, the acne cleared up

within two weeks of going dairy free.

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It was amazing.

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And it was so worth the benefit

for me that I was like, yeah, I

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I'm totally happy to abandon dairy.

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The half and half.

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And eventually I did find

something that worked for me.

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I just use straight up like

full fat coconut cream and it's

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amazing and it works great.

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but that's just an example

of kind of, you know, self

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correcting through that process.

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So getting back really quick to, you

know, this process of building self trust.

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So with challenges.

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Some of the challenges that are going

to come along, like self doubt, fear

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of failure, super common one, and then

external pressures such as work and

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family or maybe your friend group or

support system, like those are going to

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be challenges that present themselves.

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And so, another tool that is really

helpful here is to, first of all, just

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Make sure that you are setting those

healthy boundaries with the people

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in your life, really lean into the

people who are supportive and who are,

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um, you know, cheerleading for you.

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But it's also really crucial that

you are your own cheerleader and

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that you're practicing positive

self talk, encouraging yourself.

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So instead of saying, Oh,

wow, you really blew it.

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I can't believe you ate those Oreos.

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Just go.

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Okay.

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Hey Theorios, no big deal.

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I'm going to get right back on track.

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I'm the person, I'm the type of person

who cares about my health and my fitness

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and I'm going to take better care

of myself at the next meal or make a

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choice next time that serves me better.

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So be your own, own cheerleader.

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Okay.

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And that positive self talk again, this

is not like, I'm not talking about, Okay.

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Toxic positivity here.

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I'm talking about really truly practicing

like shifting your inner dialogue with

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yourself you the words you choose the

thoughts that you are thinking all the

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time like when you catch yourself in

any kind of negative self talk or self

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destructive talk or thoughts Just say no.

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You know what?

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I don't accept that anymore.

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And I'm going to treat myself better

and speak to myself kindly because it

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really does make a huge difference.

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when you do have a setback, tell

yourself, you know, it's okay.

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I'm human.

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I'm gonna make mistakes.

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But I'm gonna learn from this

and I'm gonna take better

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care of myself next time.

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Because there always will

be a next time, right?

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and if you look at every setback as

a failure, you're gonna be much more

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likely to say F it and just give up.

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Setbacks are learning

opportunities, they're not failure.

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So let's say you really go off the rails

for a weekend or a week or whatever.

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Speak kindly to yourself, give

yourself the time and space to

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just think about what was going on

that contributed to those choices

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that you made or didn't make.

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And then ask yourself, okay,

how could I better plan or.

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Better take care of myself.

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What choices would I make that I could

really feel good about if I had a do over?

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And then write those things down

for future reference and move on.

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Don't beat yourself up.

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It's a learning opportunity and The

beauty of doing that is that as those

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challenges present themselves, you'll

find like hey Um, the times that I do

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go off the rails or make a choice that

I feel really crappy about, like those

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times will come less and less frequently.

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And when they do happen, you're

going to bounce back faster.

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So just don't get into that, that

self flagellation and self abuse

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place where you're beating yourself

up because that will just generate

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more stress and anxiety and angst that

will drive those behaviors that didn't

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serve you well in the first place.

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Right.

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Your brain is going to be like,

okay, now I'm extra stressed

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and give me the dopamine.

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Blissey foods.

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So practicing that positive self talk can

actually really influence your behavior.

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So this is a short one today.

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And as we wrap up, I just

want you to remember that self

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trust is an ongoing practice.

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It's not a destination.

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Okay, it's about embracing your unique

needs, honoring your intuition, and

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having the courage to really stand by

your decisions and not abandon yourself.

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And that takes practice.

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Okay.

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Do seek guidance responsibly, because

I think that it's really crucial in

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the world that we live in right now to

not get into that state where you're

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trying to become an expert on something

that, like those of us who do this full

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time, it's literally a full time job.

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We are doing constant research,

hopefully, and, you know, trying

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:

to keep up with the newest science

and, food information and research

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and trends and all of these things.

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We're working to do the work for

you so that you don't have to make

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a full time job of it for yourself.

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So seek guidance, but ultimately

trust yourself and know that

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your body is speaking to you

more than you probably realize.

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If you do want support and guidance,

definitely reach out to me, schedule

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a free 30 minute coffee talk.

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You can go to my website to

do that at joliverwellness.

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com, or you can click the

link in the show notes.

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And in that time, we'll

talk about your goals.

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And if working with me one on one

Is not in your budget at this stage.

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I also have several great course options

that are both affordable and effective.

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So that's our show for today.

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Thank you for spending this time with me

and until next time, trust yourself and

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keep growing and I'll see you next week.

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About the Podcast

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The Nutrition Edit

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About your host

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Jeannie Oliver

Jeannie is a Certified Nutrition Coach, NASM Personal Trainer and classically trained chef. She helps high performing women improve their overall health, optimize their energy and performance, and discover what it's like to feel good in their own skin - all while enjoying delicious food and creating sustainably healthy lifestyles.